a divergent wood

It’s the season of sales and rampant consumerism as we try to offer a physical manifestation of our affections and appreciations for the people in our lives. As usual, it has me thinking about ‘stuff,’ and how it exists in our lives and how much space it takes up, both physically and mentally. As we hit peak ‘stuff’ time, it’s worth a pause.

I’ve discovered through the plethora of self-work and discovery I have done in the past few years that I was very easily swayed and influenced by what other people thought of me and my choices. Unfortunately, it was quick that preferences and inclinations I had were disparaged and became the butt of a joke instead of something to celebrate. It’s been a journey to reclaim them again.

One of those things I am reclaiming for myself is materialism. I have always been drawn to quality materials. I would look with envy at many men’s accoutrements [men’s only by label, of course] because of the simplicity, functionality, and beauty combined into many of them. Good design, by and large. Think about a good wallet, for example. It’s typically sleek, made of a nice leather that will last, and made in such a way that isn’t fussy. The catch, is often, these items will have a price tag that comes with those qualities.

[ Note: I caveat that my musing below is theoretical and is being spoken from a place of being able to afford the higher priced item vs. issues of access due to suppressed wages, etc. These are other barriers that must be addressed in our society so people can make these choices and also manufacturing companies are also incentivized to make items that last. But beyond the scope of what I have to say today]

I love that items like that are made to last a long time with good care, be loved and used, and even repaired for years to come. They aren’t trendy fast fashion items to be forgotten next season. Hell, they might even end up being an heirloom. That’s the sort of thing I find myself drawn to when I’m looking at ‘things’. [Fast fashion being a whole other beast for another post]

Too often my appreciation of good materials that are long lasting and beautiful came to mean I was ‘high maintenance’ or somehow frivolous instead of being seen as having an appreciation for craftsmanship. It became a joke that I could spot the most expensive item in a store in a demeaning way, instead of a good one. I bought into it, and like many of us have, tried to make myself ‘less,’ by compromising on my love of good material. It meant getting flooded with clothes I didn’t really like that much because they were a cheaper facsimile of another piece I wanted but deemed too expensive.

Looking back I see that my ‘liking expensive things’ meant that I can spot quality and I have an eye for aesthetics and craftsmanship. I also love finding a good deal on items that possess those qualities. I am sensitive to and appreciate good design and beauty in my day to day life. That is not a bad thing. I’m no longer willing to settle on those values simply to be seen as ‘not materialistic,’ and to just settle with an object that isn’t pleasurable to have around, as well as functional.

I am materialistic! I am materialistic because I am a tactile human being, attached to a body that has a remarkable span of sensations it can either take pleasure in or be put in discomfort by. I gain a sense of calm from good design. There is value in caring about the fabric my clothing is made from, from this perspective of pleasure. A soft cashmere sweater feels lovely, comforting and warm. A linen shirt, cool in the summer and delightfully rumpled. There is value in caring about quality in terms of how long something will last. It becomes an investment instead of a short-term solution. As I have realized, I prefer to enjoy things fully for what they are instead of settling for ‘good enough.’

Being focused on materials also means being more selective about what I bring into my life. It means passing over an item of clothing because it is not made of a long lasting fabric, it means not taking home a mug just because it’s got a clever saying on it when it doesn’t fit in with the rest of what’s in the cupboard. Materialism, for me, also means being selective. It means being careful and caring about the things in my life. I do like stuff. But I am particular about it.

Embracing this also helps me work to avoid falling into the trap of impulse buys, as I have to be much more thoughtful about what I’m bringing into my life. It’s the old cliché, of quality over quantity. Adding a pause, before ‘adding to cart’ has been key to reworking my life in a way that feels better to me.

It’s something by and large, can benefit everyone, not just neurodivergent folk trying to figure out how to best create an environment for themselves in a world that it built counter to what many of us actually need to thrive.

The fact is, no human needs the unlimited access to ‘stuff’ we have right now. No human needs an entire new fall wardrobe every year. It’s unsustainable for the planet and it’s unsustainable for humans as animals to manage an infinite amount of stuff. The scale the human world is working on is not an ecosystem that it appears humans will survive. Frankly, I don’t think it’s what we’re made for either. Who wants to spend the majority of their life organizing or sorting their wardrobe or kitchen appliances vs actually going out and living life and doing that in a few good outfits they really, really like and that are both comfortable and functional?

Less is more [and being materialistic helps me remember that].

-S